Romans 5:3-5

Blue sky with gusts of easy sea breeze that moves your hair in a motion that seems to dance to the flow of silence. The feeling entices you with satisfaction and innate purpose. The need to move has ceased and you listen for a glimpse of emotion or subliminal whispers to give you guidance. Your patient but anxious. Confused yet content. Excited and scared. Suddenly you feel light, lifted, removed, free. You move your feet forward in the direction your heart is being pulled. Trusting. The water hits your feet with a sensation of wet sand between your toes. You keep moving, not looking back but not looking forward. Your concentration is present and existing. Your neck deep but your still moving forward. Your driven, motivated by a value that can only be described as faith. The clouds shift and move like gray cumulous walls. The waves rise bigger and more domineering crashing over your head. You begin to doubt. Fear grips you and you are uncertain of your ability to stay afloat. You allow fear to overwhelm your mind, crippling your sense that would free you from its grasp. The waves do not conclude, but get more ravenous. You sink, losing sight of what should be your focus. You fall beneath the surface looking up as the world seems to be pulled from your eyes. But your not alone. your not lost. Something comforts you. Breathes breath into your lungs, refocuses your direction. Giving you strength thats not of your own. Pushing you. moving you. It circumvents your understanding but your learn. You see your fear from a different view and you resurface. Changed, stronger, focused. The clouds dissipate and your perception amends. You sit under the sun thankful for the storm.

"I have the Devil and God raging inside of me"

"Dont be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by god himself. For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. We are in this struggle together. you have seen my struggle in the past, and you know that i am still in the midst of it." (Philipians 1:28-30)

I find my self in life, on a roller coster always living to much in the rise and falls. Wondering when ill find that medium.. waiting to have stability and control but not having the strength or Faith to control the ride. Lord strip me of my conception of living life, and help me receive yours. Rid me of my desires that distract me from you. Let me start to hate the conception of Fun in my life that is so conformed to this world. Help me find joy, peace, comfort, and excitement in what is holy and pure. Im sick of my redundant sins, that cycle i seem to always be finding myself in. I strive for self betterment that is permanent and cant be shaken. Free me of my Big sins lord. Forgive me God for always wanting more in my life. For never being content with myself or everything you have given me. Take away my selfish desires lord, my lack of faith in trusting you God. Develop me into the Godly man i was built to be. Refocus my heart with a hunger for loving others and show me how to love like you. I need your direction lord. Be the lamp at my feet lord and help me remember that my entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.